Concentration 20

Well, now I've started to think about school. Because Cathie asked me about what classes I was taking. Since it was so long ago that picked classes, I don't really remember. When I told her that I had mostly just been filling credits and picking whatever classes fit timewise, which was a very few, she said that she'd never heard of anyone doing that their senior year, and how your senior year you're supposed to be immersed it what you love to be doing. I told her that I couldn't do that, and she said flatly that that wasn't possible. But then I told her about how it was possible, what with prerequisites for alot of the interesting courses, the small selection of Asian studies courses, and the problem of everything being at the same time slot. And then she said that at all the schools she'd visited with Em, they'd said just to talk to the teacher, la la la la...
I don't know. I mean, I'll probably do a lot of tweaking of my schedule, esp because I wasn't allowed to register for 5 college classes from Abroad. I don't know. It seems like most semesters I'm not particularly enthused by the schedule? Is that just me? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not taking advantage of everything I could be? Have I just been wasting my college years?
Also, I remembered that I have no idea where my p.o box key is, or my one card. I think I lost them.
Also, I still haven't heard from MHC about where I'll be living. It better be somewhere w/ friends.

Well, this is me, feeling a bit at loose ends in Boston. Well, really just in general, but especially in Boston. Em has school this week, of course, so I have long stretches of nothing to do, and what with the snow, etc, I'm not very motivated to get out of the house and do anything during them. Being in this house while Em isn't here is just so depressing. It's energy draining. I just get sucked down into uncomfortable nostalgia, and a pervasive hopeless and lack of will to do anything constructive. And I just found out that Em has the Rowe reunion on Saturday, so there's goes the fun weekend I was hoping for. It almost makes me wonder why I'm here. I don't know. In CT I can't do anything even if I want to, and in MA, I don't ever want to do anything, even if I can. And Japan just seems so far away right now, all those memories from last year seem so distant and faded suddenly, and I feel the lethargy setting in again, that depressed feeling of not being motivated to do anything that seems to be one of my usual states here. Now I'm feeling like I need to go back to Japan in February just to feel real again. I feel like I can only live in the moment because I've got no energy and no drive to think about the future....