I feel a little bit better at the moment. I still don't think I'm going to Hyper tomorrow, but I'm feeling a little better. I went out for sushi with Okaasan and Haru-chan, and then watched a dorama starring Arisa-chan, where she's a single mother tenki-oneesan (weather girl), which was very moving, or at least to me in my emotional state, because I got teary eyded at about 3 different parts. And then I checked the LoveJunx BBS, and 2 out of the 3 new posts were replies to mine. I'm going to post them here, because they're comforting.

Anna-san's post
A‚¿‚á‚ñ‚ÌŽv‚¢‚Í”Œ•ê‚³‚ñ‚É‚«‚Á‚Æ“`‚í‚Á‚Ä‚¢‚½‚ÆŽv‚¢‚Ü‚·?B‚±‚ñ‚È•—‚ÉA‚¿‚á‚ñ‚É•ç‚í‚ê‚Ä?K‚¹‚Å‚·‚Ë?B‚²–»•Ÿ‚ð?S‚©‚炨‹F‚肵‚Ü‚·?B
A-chan, I know your love reached your aunt. She was really lucky to be loved by you so much. May her soul find peace in heaven.

MacchiMama's post
–Ú‚ð•Â‚¶‚Ä‚²‚ç‚ñ?@?@–²‚Ì’†‚Å‚«‚Á‚ƈ§‚¦‚é‚æ?B‚¢‚‚à?S‚Ì’†‚Å?@ˆ§‚¦‚é‚æ?B‹Þ‚ñ‚Å‚¨‰÷‚â‚Ý‚ð?\‚µ?ã‚°‚Ü‚·‚Æ‚Æ‚à‚É?@?S‚©‚炲–»•Ÿ‚ð
‚¨‹F‚è‚¢‚½‚µ‚Ü‚·
Close your eyes, you'll meet her in your dreams. And she will always be in your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss, and may her soul find peace in heaven.

 
I don't know if I'm going to go to Hyper tomorrow. I feel so empty and like I could start crying again any minute, and not in the mood to dance and have fun, and be in the midst of a bunch of people. I feel like I'll get even more depressed and un?righteously pissed off if people don't give me sympathy and act like everything's the same as always, which is silly, because of course it is the same for all of them, they didn't know Leslie, it doens't affect their lives. Meanwhile something has changed irrevocably for me, and I'm feeling too selfish in my grief for it not to be recognized. So I dread seeing everyone, I don't want to be there and have people treat me like everything's ok, like nothings happened, I don't want to be there and get angry at people who don't give me any words of sympathy. And I don't want to be there during the breaks, when everyone's chatting and having fun, and I'm standing there cold and alone. I can't deal with that right now. I posted again on the LoveJunx BBS, just to thank everyone for their thoughts, and let them know, as a courtesy, and there've already been 2 new posts, neither of which are a response to my post, and right now it annoys me, and makes me feel even emptier. At this rate I'm afraid no one will respond to it because it will get pushed down by everyone's completely unrelated posts, and once again I'll have no answer from Anna-san, who didn't reply to the first post because everyone had posted about 3 pages of completely unrelated stuff before she looked at the message board. Which of course can't be helped, and I'm just unselfish enough to know that people aren't required to respond to me, and were perfectly free to post about whatever they wanted, it just annoys me cuz as happy as I was for everyone's nice replies, I wanted one from Anna-san too.

 
Today before I went to Hyper, I posted on the BBS about Leslie, just because I was feeling so depressed about it. And I just went back and checked, and so many people have written me such lovely responses, a lot sharing their own experiences of losing parents or grandparents to cancer, and telling me they understand how I'm feeling, and to be strong. I really glad that I posted now, because while I still feel so empty with this ache inside my heart, it was really sweet and moving to see everyone's sympathy for me, and prayers for Leslie.
Now, moving back in time to class. There was a moment when I got off the train onto the Yokohama platform, and I thought, 'I shouldn't have come. I don't have the energy or the will to do this right now.' And to tell the truth, I continued to feel so out of it and empty for a lot of the time. But there were periods of relief. I bought tako-yaki with Yayoi-san and Nori-chan on the way to class, and we ate it in the lobby of the Rapport, which cheered me up a bit. And I was pretty much ok through excercises, where I found another beautiful moment of Anna-san, doing this certain exercise that makes her look like a sawn, which I can't describe, or do myself. Anna-san was her smiling, cheerful self, in a tightish blue t shirt with the sleeves pushes up her shoulders, and white pants, and watching her cheered me up a little, so I tried to watch her and feel peaceful. Today there was a boy who Namio introduced as 'My Friend' in English, to which Anna-san said 'Namio, you don't need to say it in English. A-chan understands Japanese!', afterwhich Namio elaborated his English to 'My Friend Forever.' The friend turned out to be a former Actor's student who had come to watch for the day. His name was also Atsushi, so Namio suggest we call him 'Shi-kun' which Anna-san vetoed as too hard to say, and suggested 'Akkun' instead. Akkun did the exercises with us, but the rest of the time he just sat on the floor, and chatted with Yuuta. Emi-chan came up to me, and asked if I was genki. I shook my head, and we hugged, and I made sure to hug her tight, because I hadn't hugged anyone since I found out about Leslie, and I really, really needed to. I think maybe Emi-chan realized that, because she came over a few minutes later, and gave me another big hug. It really helped a lot, just to hug someone.
Today we worked on Yagyugaiden. First we did the whole dance through, and as I was dancing, Anna-san caught my eye and gave me a big 'Good job!' smile, which made me happy, albiet a bit self-concious so then I messed up a little. LOL We did a lot of work on the part where Emi-chan and my group has to start, which we keep messing up on, and on the group part where we all pose individually two people at a time. Both of parts are hard anyways, and I wasn't really all there, so I made a lot of mistakes, where I just stood there. Each time Anna-san would catch my eye with a sympathetic smile and a little laugh. She was so nice I could have sworn she'd read the BBS, but there's no reply from her yet, so I guess she hasn't. During the part with all the individual poses, she told us, ' Be careful of your facial expressions while you're waiting for your turn, because when the people in front of you pose, the audiance can see you, for example, A-chan, you're doing this...'. and she gave a very good impression of my funny facial expression, which is brought on because I'm always listening very hard to hear her get to '7', which is my row. We all laughed. I think that was one of the things that made me glad I had gone, because I laughed a lot with everyone.
Speaking of laughing, Atushi had been on the side, teaching Momo-chan and Momo-chan's mother the dance, because they came for the first time in like 2 months today. After awhile, Anna-san asked them how they were getting on. 'You're taking a long time.' She grinned. 'You like having Atsushi-kun all to yourself!' to which Momo-Mama made a cute face. Namio asked, 'How far have you gone?' (I'm not sure if he said it to be a pun, but that's what it became.) To which Anna-san said, mock-shocked. 'She's a mother!', and Namio replied 'So it's an affair then'. Trying to turn the conversation back to dance (I think) Anna-san said, 'Well, go as far as you can!' To which Namio asked, 'Really??' and everyone cracked up, esp Yuuta.
Another reason I was glad that I went is dance is a pretty good thing to take your mind off of things, even if I was spaced out for a lot of it, and it had the opposite effect of me then getting depressed if we had a break, so I went and kept dancing through our little water break, with the others who were dancing still.
And of course, as soon as the lesson ended, the emptiness descended again. But as we left the building to take the bus, I looked back to see Anna-san waving, with a sympathetic expression her face, not really a smile for once. This also cheered me up alittle.
I don't know. It's just such an awful empty pervasive ache, that you can't shake off, like your walking around in a nightmare... The kind of pain that just keeps going, and you get so tired of it, and you just want it to stop.

 
Yesterday Caroline and Britney and I were supposed to go to Disney, and meet Kara and Chen-san, who were already there, but none of us felt like it. I was depressed about Leslie, Britney has been having a really stressful time with her new NewZealander boyfriend, who she just found out lied about his age, and has a daughter, and Caroline was stressed about other stuff. So none of us really felt like going to Disneyland, because it takes so much energy and pepiness, neither of which any of us had. So we ended up going to TGI Fridays in Roppongi and drinking. LOL It did a good job to cheer us up, just to be together in the sleazy gaijin-filled nite-time Roppongi, at TGI Fridays, eating American food, and drinking American drinks, and just talking, about Japan, our problems, and a lot of things that have to do with sex, hosts and hostesses (They said I'd make a good hostess, and probably be really popular with all the business men. LOL), strippers, etc. (We kept seeing really pretty gaijin women on the street, who were were pretty sure are here working in the sex industry.) Britney got a bit tipsy. I might have been a bit tipsy. Or it was just Roppongi. But anyway, we had a lot of fun, and it did a pretty good job of cheering us all up. I was the most beautiful guy buying flowers. He was gorgeous... If I can't have a girl, I at least want a beautiful man like that. Altho I'm not sure how long that would last LOL

 
Today I got an e-mail from Cathie saying that Yesterday the doctors said that Leslie only has days, maybe even hours left. I starting crying when I finished the letter, and although I think I've finally stopped, I kept kind of stopping and starting up again a few minutes later. it's just so hard to be here, and not to be able to be there, not the be able to do anything. I mean, really there's not much you can do, but at least I would BE there. I just can't believe the time has finally come. I mean, Leslie's been battling breast cancer, increasingly unsuccessful for a couple years now, but I always hoped she would get better. We all hoped that. Even though we knew it probably wouldn't happen. But it's one thing to be prepared that someone doesn't have that long, and another when they are finally slipping away. I don't want Leslie to die. it's just not fair. I mean, she's only in her 50s, I think, and she's such a sweet, wonderful person. And then there's everyone that will havr a big whole in their lives when she's gone, her husband Mike, Cathie, Rick, all of us. If it's this hard for me when she's my aunt, I don't want to know what it's like to be losing your wife, your sister, your daughter. I think that Leslie herself is probably most adjusted to the inevitable. I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair, and I just wish she could have gotten better, and lived to be old with everyone. I guess I'm just glad that she's not in pain. The only thing we can really do is know how much she loved all of us, and know that she knew how much we all love her...

 
Today I was almost late for class, but amazing was early instead. I got to the subway station, only to realize that I had forgotten my wallet, so I had to walk all the way back to the dorm (which takes about 15 minutes) and back again. So even with all my running I ended up missing my usual train by about 2 minutes. So I was sure I was going to be late, but then I remembered that I didn’t have to wait for the next Shonan Shinjuku Line train (which wasn’t until like 40 minutes later), and that I could take the Yamanote to Shinagawa and then switch to the Tokaido-sen, which is what I ended up doing, and Yayoi-san was kind enough to still wait for me at Yokohama Eki. We were able to catch a train that took us all the way to Shin-Yokohama, and walk to class, and get there with like 10 minutes to spare.
Although Atsushi is apparently over his cold, according to Anna-san on the BBS, he wasn’t there today. Neither was Yuuta, who I have decided to name the Prodigal Instructor. But Namio was there. Anna-san was wearing khaki wind-pants and a baggy army-print windbreaker which I have no idea how she taught the entire Pop class in without getting really hot. I mean, I was wearing a t-shirt, and hadn’t even started dancing, and I was hot. Anna-san’s hair looked cute today, it was straighter than usual, and the top layer was flipped up at the ends. She looked really young in her baggy windbreaker.
Eriko-san, one of the OL’s who hadn’t been here at least since I got back came today, and when Anna-san saw her, she cried out ‘Hisashiburi!!’ with a big smile, and reached out her hands to Eriko-san’s. (I am very proud to say that I am the only person Anna-san has hugged. Probably because I’m an American. Or because I was gone for a month and a half. Or both) When she saw me (and the rest of us, I suppose) Anna-san said, ‘Oisu!!’ with a smile. ‘Come on in, all of you!’
So we all went into the lesson room, and did Exercises. I was a bit disappointed that Anna-san had her big windbreaker on, because I couldn’t see exactly how she did the exercises, so I don’t think I did some of them right. But there’s this one exercise where you crouch down with your legs split, and your elbows on your knees, and Anna-san looked really cool doing it, because she can get down so low to the ground, and just looked so nonchalant and graceful (and B.B like, esp. with the army print) If only I could be that flexible…
After we finished exercises, Anna-san announced that we had finished ‘Yagyugaiden’ last class, and asked who hadn’ t been there, and had Namio-kun teach Eriko-san and the other girl who didn’t really know the dance, while we went over the last half we’d learned on Monday. Emi-chan and I had a bit of a hard time with one part where our group goes first, because we kept forgetting where it came in the dance. Also, it was a bit confusing, because Anna-san kept making us all do certain parts over, and I got confused about what move we were starting from, so one time I just stood there while everyone in my group did the moves, and Anna-san stopped everyone, and looked at me, with a half smile and said we’d do it again. I was kind of embaressed. LOL
For the part when we all walk to the center, during the ‘quiet part’, Anna-san told us to walk like ‘soldiers who’ve just finished battle, in a twilight kind of way’. Anna-san also said that she may change the end so that we all are doing the same pose, as opposed to everyone having a separate pose, because in all the dances Hyper has done so far, everyone has had different poses, so for a change it might be nice to have the final pose uniform.
So we spent the class working on Yagyugaiden, going through the whole dance over and over. It was a lot of work, but it was also a lot of fun. I actually could feel the sweat on my face, which is a very rare occurrence, and always makes me remember that phrase that they use a lot in Japan (esp Namie) about ‘working up a sweat that feels good’.
During our one break, we talked about the costumes for Yagyugaiden. Fukuda-san said that she wanted to do something really cool with black, like a ninja. Anna-san said, ‘Like kunoichi? (female ninja)’, and said that we should decide the costumes soon, so they didn’t overlap with costumes for the group dances, and that ninja like costume would be cool, because the dance and the song, and whatnot was the essence of ‘Asian’, and that we could put in Hyper Interview time or something to give people time to change, and that Yagyugaiden will probably be Hyper’s last dance, thinking in terms of impact. I listened to the costume discussion with interest, until I remembered I wouldn’t be in the live this time, after which I still listened, but it made me kind of sad.
Then we went back to dancing. At one point, Anna-san said that we would split into groups so that we could see what the dance looked like from a spectator’s point of view. I was a bit disappointed that Anna-san was in my group, so I couldn’t watch her dance. But it was great to actually see our dance like that. Watching I realized….this dance is really cool. It’s just really cool, with all the different parts combined. Anna-san is a very good choreographer. Yayoi-san looked very cool, so I watched mostly her, and decided she could be the ‘lead soldier’. Before we split into groups for that, Anna-san took off her windbreaker. Underneath she had a form-fitting olive green tan top with red lettering on it which made me very happy, because she just looked so cool, all in olive/khaki. Not to mention hot. I think that my recent barrage of hot and dirty!NSYNC slash has corrupted me, because I just stared at her, and thought ‘ I want you so f—king bad.’ Damn the corruptive influence of the forceful hot dirty love in the NSYNC slash. LOL
After we watched the dance in groups, we did it twice more, and class was over. Anna-san told us that she planned to have us focus on just Yagyugaiden this month, and then next month we would work on Miami. As for the group dances, we would have to find time to work on them outside of class, and she would also set aside time to work on them when most people were in class.
We all bowed and said ‘Arigatou Gozaimashita!’, and then Anna-san said, ‘A-chan, I’ve got your tape for you!’, and so I went and got it from her and thanked her. I was very happy that she finally remembered, and even without me asking for it on Monday.
I decided to take the bus so I could take the fast train home, so I went out to wait for the bus in the hall with Emi-chan and Tomo-chan. While we were waiting, Anna-san came and sat down next to her Okaasan, next to where we were standing. Suddenly she asked, ‘A-chan, when do you go home?’ I told her I went home on Dec. 22. She said, ‘So you’ll be able to go to the Christmas Party.’ She smiled. I told her that I’d set the date to go home so that I could go to it. She smiled, and said ‘Wow! That’s great! You put the Party before going home!’ She asked if I would be done with college when I got back, and I explained that I was going to graduate in Dec. of next year. She frowned a little, and asked if I would be coming to Japan again. I told her that I was thinking of going to translation school. She nodded, and said ‘Yeah, you’re Japanese is so good, it be a shame not to do anything with it.’, and smiled.
I was in the process of exchanging cell phone #s with Emi-chan, so I had my keitai out. Anna-san peered at it, and asked if I had changed it to look that way. I told her it was a Hello Kitty cell phone, and showed her all the little kitty-chan marks on it. She asked how old I was. When I said I was 21, she said ‘Oh, well you can still pull it off then. Unlike if I had it…’ Emi-chan chimed in that she was still young enough to have a Hello Kitty cell phone, several times, and Anna-san laughed and said ‘You don’t have to rub it in!’, and said that Emi-chan couldn’t because she looked old. Then they got into a discussion I didn’t quite understand about what Emi-chan’s dad had said about a picture of Anna-san and Maiko-san, and something about sexiness and whatnot, which they all laughed about, while Anna-san made faux-indignant comments about what kind of a first impression was that, and ended with Anna-san announcing with a laugh that ‘Woman begin at 30!’ Fukuda-san called over that they began at 50, and Anna-san laughed.
Then Namio appeared, and Anna-san called, ‘Namio, we’re going home!’, and Namio who had been spacing out said ‘Huh?’, and everyone laughed. So Anna-san, Anna-san’s Okaasan, and Namio left with a ‘Otsukare-sama!’, and I went home on the bus with Emi-chan and Tomo-chan.

 
This has just been a ZinRye weekend. Friday was Namio day, yesterday was Yuuta day, and today was Atsushi day. We had class today at the Kanagawa Sports Center, which you get to by bus from Yokohama eki. I'd only been there once, back in like May, so it took me a while to figure out which bus stop to get to. After finding out I was at the wrong one, and by the time I found my way to the right one, which was on the complete other side of station, of course, it was raining really hard, and I just made it on the 1:30 bus, to get to my 1:30 class. By the time I got to the right stop, it was a terrential downpour, like monsoon rain. I got off along with a familiar figure in a gray hat. It was Atsushi. 'Ohayou'. He said to me. I think this was the first time he has ever talked to me of his own violition. He continued. 'Do you know how to get there?' So I pointed to the way I thought the Sports Center was, and shared my tiny, crappy pink umbrella with him. It was raining so hard that the umbrella didn't really help at all, plus it kept bending backwards, but I valiantly held it over our heads. After a few minutes Atushi realized we were going the wrong way, so we turned around. He asked me where in America I was from. (Amerika no doko?), and I said I was from Boston. He didn't know where that was, and I told him it was like 2 hours from N.Y. He replied. 'Oh, so you live in the city.' I said I did. And thus ended my first and last actual conversation with Atushi. LOL We braved the rain in sort of silence, with me making comments about how much it was raining, and how the umbrella kept breaking, and Atsushi occasionally telling me which way to turn, and when we came in sight of the building, 'There it is!'. We entered the building, and walked up the stairs together, and then went into our mutual restrooms to change. He never thanked me for sharing my umbrella with him. On the other hand, he didn't get annoyed at me that I had made him walk for like 5 minutes in the pouring rain in the wrong direction, which I suppose is a plus.
I changed out of my clothes, which were absolutely soaked, into my lesson clothes, and went into the lesson room. Everyone stopped when I came in, and exclaimed over me, in an 'A-chan, you're here!' kind of way, and Yayoi-san asked if I found the bus right. I said I did, and said that it was pouring, and indicated my soaked hair. Anna-san asked me if I had come in my lesson clothes, but I said I had just changed. I also explained that I had walked with Atushi. Anna-san told me with a smile that they were just about to start the last new part of the dance, so I was just in time.
The final new part of the dance started out with what Anna-san called the 'shizuka' part. (the calm part). She first told us that we would all walk into the middle after pausing in one direction or the other. (This is an Actor's thing, which Anna-san is perfect at - the art of stopping moving, and making it look incredibly cool and posed, although the 'pose' really only consists of turning your body to a certain direction.) She cautioned us not to just walk over like you were just strolling along, and did an impression. Once we had all walked cooly to the middle, and raised out hands in time to the music, we had to crouch on the ground at the
'Ha!' in the music, as it picked up speed again. However, as Anna-san explained, you couldn't really count for the timing, you just had to go on instinct. Well, it's very hard to go on instinct as a big group and have all your instincts give the same timing, as we found out when we tried over and over to get the timing right. Anna-san laughed, finally, and said that we were all together, we were just all off. So the crouching was revised to come right after the 'ha!', which worked out better. Atsushi finally came in, but it was quite a while after. He looked very hot with his wet hair tho. LOL
So then we spent the rest of the lesson finishing up the dance. The ending is very cool, I wish I could explain it, but I just kind of do it, I don't even know how I'm moving, so I can't explain it. LOL But the end is three groups of us and we do the same pose, which involved crouching in first one direction and shifting to the other, one group after the other, and Tomo-chan and my group was last, and the timing was kind of hard, but we did it perfectly and Anna-san grinned and gave both of us a thumbs up and said 'Bacchiri!' (Perfect!)
The dance has a lot of all of us walking coolly to the center, or sliding backwards coolly to the center, and all crouching together and coming up quickly all together, and a lot of cool posing, both subtle, and fighting style poses all on certain beats, and it all feels very B.B WAVES like, which was very cool. And it's so much fun to watch Anna-san teach us, or join in it with us, because all of that kind of thing which I think of as BB-like is all stuff that Anna-san has perfected, so she just looks so cool. I mean, the form really originated with her after all, since she did most of their choreography. Also, Anna-san looked very cool, and a bit unusual today, she had on a light blue tank top, also a bit tummy bearing, which looked more like a regular tank top than a workout tank top, and white wind pants.
At one point we paused, because it was like hurricane rains outside, where the wind was blowing the rain horizontal, and all gawked at it. LOL
We went through the entire dance a few times, and then Anna-san said, with a huge smile 'That's it! The dance is finally complete!!' and we all grinned and clapped. It was very exciting. 'All we have to do is polish it up now!' We all bowed, still grinning. 'Arigatou Gozaimashita!' We all grinned at each other and high fived.
We gathered out stuff, and as I left with Yayoi-san and Nori-chan, we said 'Otsukare-sama!' to Anna-san, who threw us a grin.'Otsukaresama!!'
After class, Yayoi-san and Nori-chan told me that they had free tickets for massages in Sakuragi-cho, and asked me if I wanted to come. Of course I said yes, and then they called to see if there was another opening, and luckily there was one about 20 minutes after theirs started.
We were going walking out to go to the station, when Uchida-san asked us if we wanted a ride. We gratefully accepted. We saw Ma-kun in the parking lot. Ma-kun really is so cute. (and also a Nissan, apparently)
On the way to the station, we talked about the BBS, and how it's been taken over by the Pop Mom and Dads. Uchida-san said that he didn't really read most of it, because it was boring, which I agreed with. He said the same thing that Youko and the others have said, and I agree, about how they all have their topics that only they and Anna-san are interested in, or understand. Uchida-san said that one of the only people's posts he read were mine, because I talked about Hyper related things and my feelings and thoughts about stuff, and they were interesting. This made me happy, because I didn't think anyone read my posts. Certainly they are almost never answered. Yayoi-san said that Tazuko-san had wanted someone to post a question about what to do when you couldn't get yourself motivated for Beat. Uchida-san and I said we (Hyper) should hi-jack the BBS one day , but Yayoi-san and Nori-chan just laughed. We talked a bit about how Anna-san is so preoccupied with the Pop class a lot, which is of course understandable, and can't really be helped, but still. And how now that we're so busy with preparing for the Live, we don't have meeting time anymore, which was originally supposed to be to talk about those kind of things.
Anyway, so we said goodbye and thanks Uchida-san and made our way to the massage place.
This was my first time ever to get a massage, and I liked it alot, altho it was a very strange experience.
My masseuse was a young woman named Mori-sensei, who was very nice. I told her that my shoulders always hurt, and lately my lower back was hurting. She kind of examined my posture and whatnot, and told me that I had to fix my posture, because my rounded back was putting constant stress on my shoulder and back and neck muscles, and also my hips. She also said that one of my hips was twisted up, and making one leg shorter than the other, which was caused by sitting cross-legged and sleeping in fetal position, and if I fixed those things, and came back for more massages, the muscles would get readjusted to their right position.
First I lay on my stomach, and then on my side, and back, and the massage was a lot of her poking and prodding and kneading me, and cracking me, and bending me and whatnot. A lot of it hurt. But it wasn't an unbearable pain, although in some places the pain was pretty sharp, and I kind of had a removed attitude about it, like 'Oh wow, this place hurts too. Huh.', and 'Oh wow, this place really hurts. Wow.' It sounds weird, but even though it was painful, it felt really good, even the pain. It was so nice to be touched by someone, in a completely non-sexual, skinship kind of way. It was just really relaxing, and felt really good, especially the second part of the massage, but another woman, where I almost fell alseep. I didn't want it to end.
It was also an ego booster, LOL. Mori-sensei kept saying things like, 'Wow, your legs are so long. You're like more than half legs', and 'Your face is so small.' (a very common Japanese compliment. I think it means you have petite features), and 'You're really flexible' (this when she was pushing my legs upwards towards my chest.), which no one has ever said about me. But my favorite compliment was 'Oshiri kakkoii' (Your ass is so cool.) Yes! You heard it folks! My ass is cool! I have a cool ass! Move over JLo! LOL (I think this was because most Japanese women have flat, barely there butts, and Western butts tend to be rounded and full.LOL But I was quite amused. )But I think I am turning into a masochist, because this is the second time that I have liked things that hurt. LOL The first being the muscle aches from dance. Physicality is taking on a whole new dimension for me. Maybe I need to get laid. LOL But seriously, dance and moving my body has taken on a whole new level of intimacy, and now there is this whole being massaged is skinship, and so even pain from it feels really good thing. None of it is as concious as it sounds though.
After the massage, Yayoi-san (Nori-chan had to go home) and I had ramen at this famous ramen restuarant she had seen on TV. It was the best ramen I have ever had! It was so good!! The soup itself was a really nice flavorful shoyu, and the noodles were really thick and actually took on some of the flavour of the soup, and the meat in it was really tender and had a wonderful flavor. It was so good!! Then we had gelato for dessert, and saw the pretty night skyline on our way back to the train station. Yayoi-san held my hand and linked arms for a bit, and what with the food and nightscape and whatnot, I could almost pretend it was a date. LOL Not that I'm attracted to Yayoi-san like that, but still. Maybe some day I will have real date like that with someone. That would be nice. In the meantime, I am really excited about the possibility of seeing Anna-san dressed up at the Christmas party. LOL
I really love everyone from Hyper. Yayoi-san said that it was lonely that I had to go back home just when we've all become friends, and I agree!!

EDIT: According to Anna-san's post on the BBS today, Atsushi caught a cold from the rain yesterday and is sick in bed now. Poor Atsushi!

 
Yay! Today was the Love Junx first anniversary/Halloween party!
I met up with Fukuda-san at 3:45 to change into my costume. (I was a maiko, an apprentice geisha) Her three friends, three women her age, who were introduced to me as Jun-chan, Kazu-chan and Chi-chan were there to help me with my kimono and makeup and hair. So we borrowed the bathroom to change me. First they did my hair, puffing it up high with the help of tissues, and pinning it all up maiko style (later the stuck all kinds of ornaments and kanzashi, with the hanging things and the tiny bells) into it. Then they did my make up. I had wondererd if they would do it completely white, but they said since my skin was already so white, they decided to just use foundation, and white powder. They did my eyes with black and red accents, and my lips small red geisha style, all the while exclaiming about how pretty I was looking. I felt like I was in ¡®memoirs of a geisha¡¯. It was amazing to see myself, even in just the makeup and hair. Then they decided to move to the bathroom on the floor where the party was being held, so people wouldn¡¯t walk in on us. However, I ended up having to walk out in just my make-up and hair in my regular clothes past ZinRye, who were sitting in the lobby, and I was so embaressed. Anyway, so then they put on my kimono. It was quite a process. First they put on a thin pink under kimono, which they tied with a pink tie, really tightly around my waist. They after that came many towels wrapped around my waist where they obi would go. then they put on the kimono itself, and tied more ties around my waist, then the obi, with has a hard cardboard like piece put under it to make it stiff, and many clothes, both decorative and just to give it more thickness stuff underneath it, and a little tie on pillow thing in the back which helps to make the fancy bow in the back. It was so tight and binding I couldn¡¯t breath very well. It was amazing. But it looked beautiful! The kimono was light pink with an embroidered design of flowers on the front, and the obi black and gold, with a green accent fabric in it which brought out the leaves of the embroidered flowers. If I do say so myself, I looked very cool! A fancy kimono like that is so beautiful. From time to time people would walk in while I was getting made into a maiko, and they all said ¡®Kirei¡¯ or ¡®Suteki¡¯. LOL
Then when I was all done, I had a quick lesson on how to walk in geta (with your toes pointed in, almost pidgeon-toed), and then Fukuda-san took me out to take pictures of me. She posed me in different traditional positions and took pictures. At this point a lot of people were coming in, so I had a big crowd of Hyper and Pop people gawking at me, and I was really embaressed. LOL But everyone said I looked pretty, and cute. Then I went in to watch Emi-chan get her kimono on. Emi-chan was not a maiko, she was...I guess she was a girl from the beginning of the Showa era, because they gave her that hair-do, down, with a huge puffy red bow holding half her hair up, and the same make-up as me, but with full lips. Her kimono was purple, with a black obi. She looked so pretty! So we went out, holding hands, and took pictures together, and walked around to where more people were. We went over to see Anna-san, who was standing in the doorway of the party room, in jeans and a white tanktop and red sweatshirt, obviously not yet in costume. Anna-san squealed when she saw Emi-chan, and then let out an ¡®ooooh¡¯ when she saw me. ¡®A-chan!! You look so pretty!!¡¯ She said, with a big smile. She clapped and said it again, looking pointedly at Emi-chan who called her mean. LOL then she turned to me again and said ¡®You really look so cute! It suits you really well!!¡¯ She smiled excitedly. ¡®Doesn¡¯t it make you feel happy?¡¯ She asked. I agreed, and said it was my first time wearing a kimono. She said, ¡®Oh, you¡¯ll have to take a lot of pictures then!¡¯ I said I would, and asked if she would take one with me when she was in her costume. She laughed in a kind of embaressed way and said ¡®Ok!¡¯ I was really happy, because Anna-san said I looked pretty!!
I brought in my candy I had had Mom send from the States, and told Anna-san about it. She smiled and said ¡®Wow! Thank you!¡¯, and told me to put it with the rest of the candy. So I put out the candy with Emi-chan, and the pretty girl from Actor¡¯s, who¡¯s name is Mei-san. She told me that she used to live in Okinawa, and her father in American, so there was always too much candy in the kitchen. LOL
ZinRye were not in costume, which was disappointing. But then Atsushi put on his ¡®costume¡¯, which was a paper bag over his head with eyes and a mouth cut out. It was the funniest thing ever, because even with a bag over his head, he was so Atsushi-like, standing there all cooly. I took a picture with Yuuta and Atsushi, although Atsushi had his bag on his head, unfortunately.
Maiko-san came! She was dressed in a black patterned strapless dress, navv boots and a blue shawl, with her hair up, except for a long piece over one side. She looked so beautiful. And I was so happy, because I happened to be standing near the door when she came in, and one of the first things she did was come over and give me a big hug, and say ¡®A-chan, hisashiburi! I¡¯m glad you seem well!¡¯, and thank me for a long heartfelt e-mail I had written her when she had first announced she was taking time off from LoveJunx, which made me really happy that she had 1) read it, and 2) it had moved her enough to remember to thank me for it several months later. Then she talked to some people around me, and a few minutes later we clasped hands for a while, and I asked how she was. I love Maichin, she is so sweet! She really went around to everyone, patting or hugging in turn, talking to everyone.
Then I realized that Anna-san was in her costume. And what a costume it was. LOL She had on a lacy pink strapless dress with a puffy skirt, a matching pink tulle shawl, and her bangs tied up off her forehead with big pink pom-pom flower things. When I got closer to ask her to take a picture with me, I realized that she had drawn on many balck freckles, and her eyebrows were drawn on really thick and black. LOL I finally got a picture with her, after she paid the guy for the room. She was wearing sneakers under her dress. When I pointed this out, laughing, she laughed and said that she had chosen shows that were easy to move in. It was strange to see her in a fancy girly dress. It made her shoulders and back look very broad. It didn¡¯t seem to fit her somehow. LOL (According to Anna-san, she was ¡®the village songstress, Anna¡¯, which is the character named after her in the video game her 1986 debut single was the theme song for. LOL )
Then the party started. Anna-san and Namio went up on stage, and Anna-san announced that it was the Love Junx first anniversary party! She talked a bit about how LoveJunx was one year old, and then said, ¡® But I¡¯m not going to give any serious talk right now ¨C not like you¡¯d believe me when I look like this anyway- I just want everyone to dance, and eat and have a fabulous time!¡¯.
The DJs were two of the Pop kids older brothers, who happen to be DJs.
So we all ate and danced. I didn¡¯t get to eat too much, because the kimono was so tight, but one of the Pop mother¡¯s mentioned to me that Anna-san made the pasta salad, so I made sure to have some of it. It was actually really really good, and it made me very happy to be eating Anna-san¡¯s cooking. (Samantha and Jun-Haha introduced themselves to me from the BBS too)
Yuuta and Namio chatted and danced and acted a bit slashy which was weird. But then AtsuYuu did too, so it was all good. At one part, Yuuta was playing with a little Pop boy who had a ghost sheet, by putting it over his head so he and the little boy were underneath it, and then taking it off again. The whole time he had this great big smile on his face. It was so adorable! And it made me remember that Yuuta has an amazing smile, really wide and joyful, that he really us a kid from Actor¡¯s. If only he could show that smile to everyone, instead of a chosen few. I did a lot of Yuuta watching during the party, because he was so beautiful. My god is that boy pretty. At one point he was sitting in a chair, with his hair in a ponytail, with only his nose legnth bangs out, parting in the middle, and he looked so pretty, I just wanted to photograph him. I couldn¡¯t of course, but I wanted to. He is just really beautiful, with a really wild, pretty-boy kind of boyishness, with a really pretty masculinity. Another high light was then he redid his hair in a pony tail, and his bangs were slicked to the side, with one strand kind of over his eyes, in a pretty elvis-ish way. He is also very beautiful with his hair down, it is so long now, which just enhances his bishonen-ness. ZinRye danced a lot, and at one point AtsuYuu danced together which made me really happy. At one point they were dancing like a foot away from me, which made me uncomfortable because they were so close and I felt like I was intruding, and nervous that they would kick me or something by accident. At this part, Yuuta danced for a moment while he held his shirt halfway up, and I thought, ¡®God. Don¡¯t do that...you¡¯re too hot.¡¯ LOL He would be such a nice wildly pretty uke, and Atsushi would be such a great silently strong seme, and I thought about that and that was a very very nice image, and I almost relented on my policy of not writing any Atsuta slash myself. LOL the only annoying thing was that Yuuta talked and laughed and whatnot with Tomo-chan and Ai-chan, etc, which made me annoyed. (Don¡¯t get in the way of the slash, people!)
The Pop parents did little random things where they danced on stage, when Anna-san called them up, which Anna-san got a huge kick out of.
Then Hyper did their little show. Emi-chan and I weren¡¯t in the show, because we couldn¡¯t change out of our kimonos, so we waited together and held hands and hugged a bit while everyone got prepared. LOL The Hyper show was a parody of the Cop movie ¡®Odoru Daisakusen¡¯ or whatever it¡¯s called, and Namio-kun was the man character, Aoshima. He did a great job, as did Marilyn and Ai-chan, who kept asking the Pop kids in the audiance questions. Anna-san got a huge kick out of our show too.
Then we had a costume contest. I won for Hyper!! Anna-san and Namio-kun called me up, and Namio said I was a Yamato Nadeshiko (traditional Japanese beauty)m and Anna-san said wasn¡¯t I pretty? And Namio gave me my prize, and asked me to say something. I couldn¡¯t think of anything, so I just said, in English, ¡®Happy Halloween!¡¯, and people echoed me, and Anna-san said ¡®Honkakuteki da!¡¯ (That¡¯s authentic English) Uchida-san who was dressed as a three muskateer was the other winner for Hyper.¡¡My prize is a black Reebok bag, which I plan to bring to Hyper and have everyone sign. So we all danced more, and whatnot. Throughout the party I talked with Yayoi-san and Aman-chan and Emi-chan and Yumiko-san, and a bunch of other people, and it was a lot of fun. But by the end, the obi was really weighing down on my hips, and hurting them, and my feet were hurting from the geta. LOL
We were able to take food home, so I made a little doggy bag, making sure to take a lot of Anna-san¡¯s pasta salad.
Lastly, Anna-san gave a little speech, just thanking everyone, and talking about how next we have the Christmas party, and then the 2nd live, and how everyone in Love Junx is the best, and then she made Maiko-san give a little speech. Maiko-san explained that she¡¯s been doing the songs for commercials, working on all different genres of songs, and also working as a voice training instructor, in order to better be able to communicate herself through her singing, and that she will be back at LoveJunx in the end as an instructor. (I also talked a bit to Maiko-san and told her when I was going home, and she said she was going to visit with a friend in Chicago next year for a bit)
Then we all took a formal (ish) group picture (at first it was just Pop, but Anna-san made sure we Hyper got in it too), and then us Hyper took some unofficial group shots (one with Anna-san, one without), and then Emi-chan and I were summoned to get out of our kimonos. At first I thought the older women were making us change right in front of everyone, but then they just stripped us down to our underkimonos, and went went into the bathroom to change. Maiko-san was there, a long with Fukuda-san. (Maiko-san says her hair is really long now, to her breast legnth) Emi-chan and I changed back into our regular clothes. The kimono was so tight that I had marks and lines and wrinkles all over my whole torso and hips, which I promptly showed Maiko-san and Fukuda-san, and Maiko-san said ¡®Kimonos are tight, aren¡¯t they! Women were taihen!¡¯ (I wanted to show Anna-san, but didn¡¯t get the chance) Fukuda-san told Maiko-san how much we want her to come back, because we need a woman to teach us, because the guys move differently, and how we all want to sing. But Maiko-san protested that she can¡¯t teach singing yet, because the way they learned in Actor¡¯s, it was a lot by feeling, and listening to something and then trying to copy it, so she doesn¡¯t actually know the why and how of how she can do the vocal things she does. I gave Maiko-san a big hug, and asked her when she would be coming back. She said that she¡¯d be back at LoveJunx before I left in December. She also thanked me again for my e-mail.
It was such a relief to be out of my kimono, it felt so good to be able to move that I danced around a bit. I told Anna-san, who looked so petite in her tight white tank top and jeans, that it felt so good to be able to move, and she laughed and said ¡®Oh yeah?¡¯ with a grin. As I headed out with a bunch of us Hyper students who had decided to go have dinner, we passed Anna-san rushing out of the elevator, and she threw us a big smile, and a ¡®Otsukaresama!¡¯ in reply to ours.
As we were walking to the restuarant, many cars of Pop families passed us, and we all waved and yelled Otsukare to eachother. Then a cute metallic rounded orangish red car passed us. Anna-san was driving, and she grinned and yelled Otsukare. It was her car, the infamous Ma-kun! It made me very happy to finally see Ma-kun. Apparently Ma-kun is a Marche, which is why his name is Ma-kun.
Then we all went to dinner at Royal Host, and it was a lot of fun. On the way home, I talked to Yumiko-san a lot about all the instructors. We talked about how Yuuta esp wouldn7t make it in show business because he doens¡¯t ever greet anyone, and how nice it would be if he was friendly and smiled his amazing smile to everyone, and not just the Pop kids, and the girls his age in Hyper. We talked about how Marilyn, Ai-chan and Kaori-chan have formed a little group, and that their group is also the only people who Atushi and Yuuta esp are friendly too, and how they¡¯re the only ones AtsuYuu will smile and talk to, and how usually ZinRye is clumped together in the back, talking, or dancing with eachother, and how esp AtsuYuu maybe need time to get closer to all of us and open up, and figure out what Hyper is to them. And we talked about how we need Maiko-san, for the girl dancing, but also because she really is so sweet and talks to each and every person, and helps you out if she notices you¡¯ve got a step wrong (unlike ZinRye, who will only teach when Anna-san tells them to), and how Anna-san is so busy with everything, and has to look at everyone, so she can¡¯t really look at each person individually, and how she will be very warm and friendly to everyone, but only when her eyes happen to meet yours, and how Maiko-san is what Anna-san would be if she had more room to be that way and not so much to think about all the time. Yumiko-san said that Anna-san is very Actor¡¯s like in that way, and I think made some mention of her being masculine in that respect, which i didn¡¯t really understand. She mentioned how Maiko-san had gone around at the end of the party and thanked all the DJs and everything, which is something Anna-san would also do, but never AtsuYuu. She asked how I liked Nami-chin, and I told her I love her now, because she smiled so warmly and sung to me. She said she really likes Nami-chin too, and that Nami-chin and Wakane-san are the same kind of person as Maiko-san, really sweet and warm like that.