Ok, now for my post on things Actor's. I got another letter from Hakase-san, explaining what Makino-sensei meant by Anna's 'reign' Makino said that it had become a situation where Anna-san's word was basically law, where whatever she said went, and none of that B.B members could say anything different, or anything against it. He said that Anna-san didn't do anything wrong. But Makino said it was her fault for not realizing that things had become like that. So even Makino admits/knows that it wasn't a concious thing on Anna-san's part. For example, I remember Takeshi saying that the dance he chorepgraphed for the Yokohama concert was based on Anna-san's suggestion of 'What about trying something relating to Japanese history?' And so he kind of took the cue from her and ran with it. Which seems to say to me that B.B's creativity doesn't seem to have been stifled at all, but that she'd become so cool, so understanding and sweet, and so important to them, and they looked up to her so much that they didn't think, for example, 'Oh, maybe I'll try this instead.' I mean, I have to admit, my first reaction was, 'Well, if it's Anna-san, that's ok to do everything she wants...' Even in the article, Anna-san said, 'I was glad he said it to me straight, because I'd felt it myself.' It seems as though it was a student created situation, which came from the strength of Anna-san's presence. And I think that the whole situation with Actor's may be the same, student created, from the students lifting Makino-sensei up to this position. Not to say that he is blameless. But I don't think the current situation started from him in the beginning. After all, it is what he hates. If only he can realize that...I think things may work out. As for Anna-san, Makino said he fired her because he felt that the situation was dangerous. That he did it to protect the democracy of B.B. But as Hakase-san said, it became him dropping people that don't do what he says. However, as Hakase-san also pointed out...he's been doing *that* for a long time... And that part isn't good. This is definatly not the best part of his personality. I mean, I understand his feelings, but...he didn't have to go and fire Anna-san, if things had become like that. He could have just told her about the situation, and let her try to do something about it...
I don't know...But Hakase-san said that it was very like Anna-san to not stay left where she had been demoted to in Yokohama, but to chose a completely different path on her own, and take it. To add my own two sense to that, Anna-san (much like her father) doesn't seem to take crap from anyone...
Oh, just a PS, cuz it made me happy. Anzu-san said that Maiko-san recognized me from the reply I wrote to her message!! She knows me, and she said, 'Wow...she wrote in Japanese!' Yay!

 
Well, classes begin tommorow... I'm not sure how I feel about that. Once again I'm trying to figure out why I'm here. What I'm doing. I can't help thinking that there's gotta be more to college than just getting all your credits, and having a social. I don't know. I mean...a lot people say that I'm expecting too much... But I can't believe that...that it's expecting too much to want to get something other than a diploma out of college. To want it to give me something that will be useful later in life, even if it's help towards whatever I think I want to do when I get out. I don't know. I think part of my problem is that I've never looked at college as anything other than something I have to get thru before I get to do what I want. Even before I wanted to go to Actor's, or even DPIS... I never really wanted to go to college. Going to Japan before I entered as a freshman certainly didn't help... I don't know...now that all that stuff happened with Actors...I kind of lost my big plan as to what I want to do. Which in a way gives me a certain 'freedom', but it's not a freedom that I want. I mean...I wanted to go to DPIS....I still do...only...not now. I can only hope that maybe, by the time I graduate things will be back to a state where I'll want to join them again. I don't know. I can't help longing for it to be like it was... But...I don't know....
At any rate, putting all that aside...I'm still planning things....going to Japan to translator school like nemoto-sen suggested, maybe taking some classes on design or styling while I'm there... I don't know...
But...I don't want to see college as something I just get through...but in a way...this searching for meaning hurts a little...because I can't find it so far...
I guess I have to start out with something that's not insanely deep, so I guess one thing to concentrate on it what they try to make people think at Actor's...'what kind of person do you want to be?' I guess I can do that. And that will lead into 'what can I do to bring joy to others.'
On a lighter note, it's great to see everyone again., and I love be so close to Subaru and Lucchan, in our 19th century santorium/house for 'wayward girls' rooms.