Concentration 20

Well, after that brief break here's a return to the normal status of my blog, me writing when I depressed (sorry Subsy, altho to answer your blog, I have pretty much been happy the whole rest of the summer). *sigh* Where do I even begin....
Well, I guess I'll start out by saying the the cause of this blog is (suprise suprise) Actor's.... Or rather the fact that the Actor's that I saw in January, the place where I found that 'something' that I'd been looking for for so long....doesn't exist anymore....
It all started when I found out that Maiko-san had left Actor's. Maiko-san, the blond leader of BB. WAVES, with the innate sexiness in her every more, and that amazing voice, who I had the pleasure of seeing live twice. Maiko-san, who'd been at Actor's for 10 years....who believed in Makino-sensei's philosophy of using what you love for the sake of others, to bring them joy, more than anyone, except for Anna-san....
And that was bad enough....because Maiko-san along with Wakane-san had come to symbolize B.B WAVES for me, and I couldn't imagine them with her gone. But also, because it ticked something off inside me....that for Maiko-san to have left Actor's....something serious must have happened...
So I e-mailed Hakase-san, who had originally given me the e-mail of Kurita-san who would forward my letter to Anna-san way back when this all started, to ask him what was up.... And boy was I right....
Even before reading the whole of his letter, the first paragraph sent off warning bells inside me, that something at Actor's was seriously seriously wrong.....Because in the first paragraph, Hakase-san said that Makino-sensei fired Anna-san, who was eventually demoted to the Yokohama branch because the staff and student begged him not to fire her. Leaving the love of the students aside and what they begged for and accomplished aside, the most important thing is....Makino-sensei fired Anna-san. Anna-san. His own daugher, his right hand (wo)man, so to speak, who had been the chief instructor for 10 years... If Makino-sensei was the brains of Actor's, Anna-san was the heart. Sweet, loving Anna-san with a heart of gold. She's been the one who believed truely in her soul about becoming a better person, and doing things for other people...
To have her be basically fired.....I knew that some must be seriously, seriously wrong....
And it is....according to Hakase-san, what the fans realized at the Okinawa BB Concert this month...is that although Actor's continues to advocate 'freedom of individual opinion', 'entertainment', and 'communication', the methods they're taking to do so now are the complete opposite of that...the method's they're taking now are like that of a cult....
I think I'll just quote from Hakase-san's letter now, cuz he said it better than I can.... "To tell the truth, even at Onna-mura the day before...now, there are always changes , and I understand that there probably wasn’t any welcome because there were so few fans this time. And that it would be awkward if
we were given one. But, after all, even if the kids around us were hugging and made to sing in a big group, to tell the truth, we (as
few as we were) fans had no place at all, and fell a violent sense of estangement. And the concert. The performance of the children from Kansai was fine. They are looking at the audiance, and give their glances to each and everyone one of us fans. Because there were even some kids who felt our gaze and klutzed out
because of it... I’m not worried about the kids from Kansai. But Okinawa was painful. I’ll admit the performance was amazing. I was blown away.The level of preparation was high as well. But...for example, that last number... I understand that they were supposed to all be in harmony, but the kids were really immersed in a ‘religous emotion�E
Perhaps they became like that because they had to fill the seats with students because there were so few fans, but...Watching the children around me, who don’t have the skill or the experience to interpet it break down crying around me (because this time we fans were surrounded by them), I was chilled to the bottom of my heart.
And at the same time, surrounded by them, I felt the estrangement again. And, at the get together. Of course there were few fans this time, and it was a celebration for the group, so perhaps it couldn’t be helped, but there too, I felt the furious estrangement. Regardless of the small number of fans, we were made to feel as though we were outsiders. And that outsiders are not welcome.
Things can’t go on like this. If you want continue to make advocate your own opinion, you first have to make the effort to listen to people.
People keep well away from those who push their own opinions without caring about other people’s beliefs. Gradually no one will listen, and it becomes a blockade situation, where only those who are members or understand or comprehend what you’re trying to do. If you’ve studied human history, you should know how many tragedies have been born from this situation.
Was it perhaps that with experiences in front on a live audiance waning, as they continued to do lessons looking at their own reflection in the mirror, they forgot that their audiance is human inside? At the concert on the 7th, it was mostly students in the audiance, ‘their reflection in the mirror�E in other words, all people
who had the same principles, and way of thinking and emotions. Has the current Actor’s forgotten that if your audiance is made of fans, they may have different principals and causes, and may get angry or cry?
The pamphlet sold at the concert was even more frightening. It was most like a photo book of the BB PLANETS members than a pamphlet, and had each member’s photo and comments.Most of the member’s comments said ‘President Makino is...�E ‘Makino’a philosophy did...�E or ‘Meeting President Makino was....�E It was about the same content as the pamphlets handed out by many cults. This is chilling. When you pick up this pamphelt, you think, ‘It’s like a cult pamphlet.�E
In other words, I don’t think that their ‘philosophy�Eis wrong, or that each individual is in the wrong. But as an organization, as a company, the methods Actor’s is taking now are those of a cult, or hypnosis. And when I went to Okinawa, I strongly felt that things are getting serious."
I just can't believe it. It's like some horrible nightmare. I mean, Actor's always had the possiblity of becoming like this...
You always do when you've got a charismatic leader with strong ideas and philosophies that are different from the established ones in society. That things will get to the point of 'You have to belief this, or get out.' But....Actor's wasn't like that when I went. It wasn't. It was really doing something good. As Anna-san said, "Most people come here to be singers, in the beginning. But that's not what we're really about, 'what you want to be.' We teach kids to think about it on a deeper level, 'What kind of person do you want to become?' " They really were just teaching people to seriously think about what they could do to help other people, to give everything they've got to give people joy....
And to see things turn out the way they have....it's just such a waste! It's just so incredibly sad....
To see it becoming just like the current Japan...telling people what to think, and not giving them any room to think for themselves....exactly what Makino-sensei was trying to break away from... I mean,the reason he started Actor's in the first place was to teach kids to think for themselves, and how to communicate their hearts to one another....
And then just thinking of Anna-san.... At the Yokohama concert this week, she announced that she's leaving Actor's. She said that she's found something she wants to do 'and put her whole heart into it, not just do it half heartedly.' She's going to teach dance to kids with Down Syndrome. And I guess this is the only outcome there could be for her...I mean, after her father has basically fired her, what else could she do? She couldn't stare there. One, it just be way to awkward, and more importantly....think of why she was fired in the first place. The only think I can think is that she must have seen what Actor's was becoming, and stood up against Makino-sensei against it....I mean, imagine the scene there must have been between them...for him to actually order her to get out.... So thinking of that...I guess she wouldn't want to be there anyway...
But still...think about the enormity of it all....Anna-san's been in Actor's since it opened when she was 8 years old...she's 30 now...and she's been instructor there was over 10 years.... She's dedicated her whole life to Actor's.... imagine being thrust out of it like this... I remember in the message she posted on her birthday, she wrote 'I realize how much growing I still have to do as a person, and looking at the kids of B.B, it makes me realize how much I want to walk with them as they grow from their mistakes into better people, and protect them.'
How would you deal with your life changing like this? I mean, because I think she had to leave. How could you stay in a place knowing that if not for the love of your students and staff, you'd be fired? That you were technically fired.... I just can;t imagine it...
But I think Anna-san has taken the only, and the best step she could. To find a way to continue to use her talent to help others, to help those who really need her, even without Actor's. And I guess that's what I have to do now too. Because regardless of the methods Actor's is using now, it doesn't devalue the ideas they believe in and that they were truely working towards when I went to see it... Now I just have to find a way to make those ideals part of the person that I want to become, without Actor's.... I know what I have to do, but it won't be easy...and in the end...it's just so damn sad....and disappointing....
To think I finally found the place, the 'something' I was always searching for...and now it doesn't even exist anymore, not really... I mean, of course I've gone thru a lot of pain because I couldn't go to that place once I'd finally found it, but at least it was there....