Well, I got to Boston finally. And finished off the day by having a fight with my dad and Cathie. I guess it was a fight, I don't know. We started talking about study abraod programs, which is just an easy way to get me annoyed lately , since I just don 't know which i should pick, and it's just really stressing me out now. And then they 've moved from all about how I should pick challenging courses that gave e new experiences, esp. since i've been there, at a school there before, to how if I didn't know what I wanted to do with college ect (which shouldn't be all about requirements, a topic which just stresses me out even more), they actually said that I could take a year off. Which of course made me really mad. I mean, how dare they say that *now* after I've been thru all this stuff about DPIS, and of course they said that it was different, since they wouldn't pay for me to go 'traveling in Japan', but that if I took a year off I'd have to work. (Ok...here's something that confuses me...isnt the problem most of them had with the offer Makino-sensei gave me for DPIS the fact that they thought that I'd be basically 'working' but not getting paid? Hmm...maybe it the 'paid' thing that's most important...) Anyway, so I just couldn't deal with them anymore, so I stormed out--well not exactly stormed, but walked away to my room quickly, but anyway....so Dad followed me up, and sat me down, and I cried, and tried to explain that part of what's bothering me about all this is...while there is a part of this decision to stay at MHC that I did come to on my own, and when all is said and done, I really *do* think that I should have a college degree, and get more life experiences, ect, there is also a huge pat of this decisiion that was made because < I> I had no other choice . And I'm still coming to terms with that. And I think that that is still a big factor in how I feel about school right now. I can't really get past it yet. They told me not to just look at college as something that I have to get through, but since they basically told me I have to finish before I go to DPIS (read: do what I really want to do), how cna I look at it as anything else? I mean, I don't want to look at it as somethihng that I have to get through. That would completely defeat the purpose of me being there. I just don't know how to look at it as anything else yet. I'm still trying to find my way to do that.
I mean, I still have to figure out what I really want out of my study abroad in Japan....
I don't know...afterwards, I talked to Emma, who told me that the way she heard everything, a lot of Dad and Cathie's refusal of DPIS was about money, and baout sending me over to something they didn't approve of that would cost a lot (did we miss the 'AT NO COST' thing? *sigh*) . Anyway, i thought that that was...interesting to say the least. I didn't really hear anything about money.... She also said that they hadn't really forbid me to go, if I use dmy own money. Uh huh. I didn't hear anything about that either. They sounded pretting forbidding to me. Not that it matters particularly, since Mom and Hank DID forbid me. *sigh* And of course, not of that really matters now, I think that it just illustrates (once again) the discrepancies between what Dad says to me, and what he says to Cathie and Emma, or my mother. (in fact, the latter two often differ a lot too).
I just hope that I can figure all of this stuff out....