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Alias...Mina, Claudia,Kamui,Skids, Eiko,Edori,A-chan
People I respect/People that are cool
Ooh, a harem of men!
Hana-kimiNanba-senpai,Sano
And some cool girls! |
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Thursday, April 11, 2002
Things are drawing in on me; Pushing closer. All I feel is the worst kind of fear...a icy numbing fear that freezes you. Unable to move from where I am, on my soul screams, in a whisper. 'Don't choose my life for me!!'
Monday, April 08, 2002
Ok, well I guess I have to start thinking about this all. I mean, I have been thinking-- thinking about it and writing it down. My feelings haven't changed; I still want to go. I thought about going abroad to Nihonjoshi, but that's not what I want. It's really not that I want to go to school in Japan, it's that I want to go to Dream Planet. I want to be in that environment, with those people, with that energy, giving everything I've got. I'm not saying that it won't be hard. It will be. I know it will. Because it's going to mean giving up a lot of what I think of as 'me' now, but I think that in the end, the gains will be more important then the superficial parts of myself I'll lose--like only doing things for myself, and putting myself and my enjoyment before others. Also, I feel like I need to get out of here if even for a while; to go to a place that's completely different, where I have to do things on my own, and no one will baby. I know that's going to be insanely hard, but I think I need that right now. To really start growing up. Some people (like Dad) seem worried that I'm just looking for someone to guide me and tell me what to do. I don't think that's true. I mean, maybe I am looking for some guidance, but I don't believe that you ever agree with any idea you didn't already have somewhere in your own head. And aside from that, it's not like I agree with everything Makino-sensei says. But I agree with the most important parts of it, and more importantly, how every puts those points into action, and integrates them into their lives. I really believe in what they're doing, what they're striving for, and I want to be a part of that search...to find myself, and what I can do for others...not halfway...but really, no matter how hard it is...
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